100 - Rebuke with Love

Duality?

This appears to the case in this rule. On one hand, GW is saying mind your manners, But if others don't mind, ignore them. Hmmmm, quite a contrast, and I don't agree.

Here's why.

The problem with us people is that we are so focused on what others perceive of us. But when we believe others are on the wrong, we simply back out and curl back to our comfort zones.

Scripture is not silent on this. Clearly it says '  "If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over."

Though the specific table manner described by GW does'nt fall into a 'sinful' category, I believe it is worth heeding what scripture has to say. It is one thing to recognize an uncivilized deed, it is another to point it out, and it is best to gently nudge folks towards a better alternative. Of course, approach is everything! Other people would approach in an annoying manner. Others with a subtle touch. But doing nothing is the worst.

WWYD! What would you do ?

100th

Cleanse not your teeth with the table cloth napkin, fork, or knife; but if others do it, let it be done without a peep to them.

101 - Potency

Barbaric-Civilized? Organized-Chaotic? Order-Mess?

Contrasting pictures. Of which brazen images populate our heads once someone blurts out those words. Perhaps our own doing or undoing, Perhaps conjured by our own 'upbringing' thru exposure to media, books, etc. Either way, we all have concepts how we ought to 'live and behave'.

I try to be philosophical for now. What is it to be Human? I will step back for a while.

Consider for one moment and lets observe babies. How they grow up nurtured, fed, dressed, entertained, exercised and most of all nursed. As they grow, parents introduce certain yes, no rules in their household. Babies grow learning the oven is hot, ice is cold, sugar is sweet, salt is well salty. Further down the road they get introduced to the outside world. Now they learn the street language and societal make up.

Question that baffles me is - how on earth would a person, from birth, being molded in the comforts of a home, could end up behaving in a manner that is unbecoming? Forgive me dear readers on my belief, but I blame parents for it all.

Parents, (absent or present) who showed the way for their kids the 'how to's in life. For it is impossible for a person, how he is molded and shaped, not to learn the tricks of the trade from someone (parents) without him or her conjuring the image from young.

The scripture resonates with a reinforcement on this point. The bible says "man by nature is sinful", "Parents need to 'train up a child in the way he should go'.

The question is - how can a parent show the way when they themselves don't know the way? The answer I think is enlightenment. And it comes in the form of how determined a person is in order to go thru this purification process.

The rule here is specific. Not to rinse or gargle in the presence of others. Reason? Uncivilized.

But before one human being can judge civility or otherwise on another, try walking in their shoes or slippers first. !

Its potent.

101st

Rinse not your mouth in the presence of others.

102 - Peer Pressure

I herald in this.

I don't know when, but ever since I started to shoulder more responsibilities, my lunch companion has dwindled. Don't really know if it comes with responsibility or authority. I'm certain that as one 'rises up' the corporate ladder, there appears to be fewer 'friends' on top.

This I learned the hard way. The proverbial rising up the top of the heap only to find out its 'lonely up there' is never more true! And getting along with topnotch somehow has made me realize that I have to learn more about culture, grace and manners further.

The hard question is - if one tries to 'adapt' to someone else's culture, would one loses his own? Case in point - to this day I still see people (even nobility) of Indian descent using their bare hands to eat. And call it hygeine or something else, Im sure medical folks disdain at the way of life. The only thing is more Caucasian folks die of cancer disease than Indian folks catching bacteria in the process.

What does table manners, peers and good company, do with this life rule?  In my own humble opinion, GW simply is trying to point out to be observant, and respectful of ones manners especially when surrounded with people who will analyze everything you do and say.

Stiff as one may be, but a watchful eye and sensitive ear could be your only companion in handling people from all walks of life, friends and foes alike.

Not sure if this make sense. But still, want to stir ones thoughts...

102nd

It is out of use to call upon the company often to eat; nor need you drink to others every time you drink.

103 rd - Earn, not command Respect

Respect is earned over time, while most people commands it. 

Like a merit, it takes a person long, often painful, and  hard work, to establish credibility in any field of endeavor. This rule goes beyond protocols, not just table manners. 

If one aspires to be a leader, a parent, a coach, a counselor, then be prepared to be challenged for your credibility. And often, credibility and respect goes hand in hand. 

You cannot earn the respect of your people and peers if you don't have credibility. You can't have credibility if you have not earned the respect of your peers or people. Both are simply must haves in any situation.

Often, getting a point across in fewer words would be the wiser choice. And today I want to do such. It makes the meal more palatable. The reading more enjoyable. And certainly the message more tenable. 

Comments most welcome!

103rd

In the company of your betters, be not longer in eating than they are; lay not your arm but only your hand upon the table.

104th - Manners Matter - act with honor

This quote somehow captures my imagination and to some degree puts into context what honor, manner and grace ought to be exercised and practiced. More of my thoughts as I digest and let this idea simmer in my heart.

I remember being scolded many times in my younger days whenever meal time is served and pieces of rice starts to fly off my plates. I resent how my strict grandma used to discipline me. But now that I have kids of my own, I tend to do the same (subconsciously). Small etiquette, but big is impact to how we approach life in general.

To me, if a person is a slob in the dining table, for sure he will also be a slob in his dealings, be it work, relationships, life pursuits and all. On the contrary if a person is graceful, considerate, well mannered, you can be certain he/she would be of the same in how he/she approached life.

Seeds of honor and grace, cultivated daily, will one day bear fruits of joy, serenity, calm and peace in a man's heart.

"Only act with honorable people. You can trust them, and they you. Their honor is the best surety of their behavior even in misunderstandings, for they always act according to their character. Hence, it is better to have a dispute with an honorable person than to have a victory over dishonorable ones. You cannot deal well with the ruined, for they have no hostages for rectitude. With them there is no true friendship, and their agreements are not binding, however stringent they appear, because they have no feelings of honor. Never have anything to do with such people, for it honor does not restrain them, virtue will not, since honor is the throne of rectitude.” -Baltasar Gracian

104th

It belongs to the chiefest in company to unfold his napkin and fall to meat first, but he ought then to begin in time & to dispatch with dexterity that the slowest may have time allowed him.

107th - LISTEN, NOT JUST HEAR

"Rule 107th: If others talk at the table be attentive, but talk not with Meat in your Mouth".

A very basic and fundamental way to conduct oneself on any given setting. More importantly, the ability to simply lend a full ear is a trait that is becoming jurassic as is with basic speech.

What with the advent of techie gears, which counterintuitely supposed to make our human experience, well, more human.

I am again guilty of this. 

That is why my fundamental rule of thumb when were together as family is to "Yes to Talk and No to Tech". 

It is simply distasteful to see people together in a lunch or dinner table but see them tinker more with their smart thingy than strike a good conversation..

Believe in Goethe when he said " Conversation, a good one, is the most sublime of all human experience".

Let it be so.

105th - Humor's a Feast!

A good humor always breaks the ice! And if it is an iceberg that is out there, a superb joke can certainly shatter the cold spell into oblivion.

In this context, GW talks about manners in a dining table. And we often wonder how is it sitting in a dining room full of brash, harsh and ill mannered men in those days. Im sure no one wants to join a crowd where animosity and indifference reign.

The amazing thing is even after 250 years since inception, this rule still reverberates to our modern times. With the explosion of social media these days, a good humor (verbal), punchline and all has been replaced by 'updates, tweets, trending' and the like. Sad but man's physical presence in a conversation is slowly being replaced by our cyber presence, well at least in a society characterized by the influx of modern communication gadgets.

Are we losing our touch? Are we becoming a slave to tech? Are we consciously or unconsciously insulating ourselves from the very people whom we ought to interact? As 'iron sharpens iron', so does 'man sharpens man'.

What I intend to apply after reading this is to try to mingle as often, text less frequent, and speak to a stranger to even further my humanity. I hope you do too!

105th

Be not angry at the table whatever happens & if you have reason to be so, show it not; put on a cheerful countenance especially if there be strangers, for good humor makes one dish of meat a feast'

106th - Know your Place under the Sun

The context of this rule is on sensitizing protocol!

Nowadays, people don't seem to practice this fundamental but vital rule of etiquette. And living in a country other than my own, I often admire how many different races take this to heart.

For instance, Caucasians often mind this structure. Sadly Asians in most cases, struggle in getting this behavior embedded into their daily routine. Call it culture, or otherwise, but I think this practice is rooted into how our families are designed in the early days. Specifically in meal tables.  

The question is - why the fuss? Well in my own opinion, it all boils down to RESPECT. And respect has to do with virtue. Virtues that often are seen by a person thru his/her parents, grandparents and relatives.  Which is rooted to our hidden admiration for gentlemen and women of substance and grace. Classic example of such is royalty. 

But I am puzzled as to why most folks find this difficult to uphold, especially as this is seemingly a simple yet powerful behavior to conduct oneself in public. Call it grooming, mold, upbringing. But at the end of the day, parents plays the biggest role model and influence to kids. 

As a cliche puts it - children often will pay attention to what parents do, not what parents say. Tall order? Yes, but if we want to cultivate a society full of grace, good manners and right conduct, we must model the way. And the best part? Start at our very home..

106th

Set not yourself at the upper of the table; but if it be your due or that the master of the house will have it so, contend not, least you should trouble the company".

108th - Honoring God and our parents (brothers/sisters)

"108th When you speak of God or his attributes, let it be seriously & with reverence. Honor & obey your natural parents although they be poor."

Webster defined "Honor" as giving high esteem for a persons worth. Words such as merit, rank also comes into play.

I am guilty of this. I mean, at times I treat God as if He's just an ordinary being. Likened to an ATM machine (sorry for the analogy Lord but just making a point), if you need cash, go to a nearby kiosk and boom, out the cash goes. Is it because of the way God is portrayed in many christian circles, that He is your personal savior, personal coach even...( to a certain extent). The word "personal" I believe has been somehow contextualized in a different light. Wish every lay preacher of the word, in whatever denomination, could render and shed more light into this notion.

In the same manner, isnt it any wonder why GW put honoring God alongside honoring our parents? In my two cents opinion, these are of equal weight. In scripture, it is again written in 1 John 4:20 " Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen".

Ouch! Context wise, I believe the words ring very true to the nature of how we ought to give respect, and most importantly love, where it is due - first to our parents, then naturally transcending to honoring, and respecting/loving God in return.

My parting shot is simply,  are we honoring our parents in the same way we honor God? Better yet, are we honoring our brothers and sisters too as we honor our parents? The best part? Are we honoring ONE ANOTHER in the same way we honor our relatives? How beautiful a world it would be if such a virtuous behavior be practiced and put to heart regularly.

If not, life is too short not to take the first of many steps now.  

109th - Manful vs sinful

The 108th entry from GW is to "let our indulgences be manful not sinful".

This is tricky. Heres why -

For what it is to be a man? Have the lines been drawn too thin? Or has society made the "perfect man" fade into the twilight with the arrival of the feminist movement or even the BGT movement? Whichever way we put it, man, the real man to the core, is scary slowly fading into oblivion.

I cant help it but to quote scripture again. Heres what Paul has to advise Timothy his disciple.

"Whoever aspires to be an overseer (man) desires a noble task. 2 Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3 not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. 4 He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full[a] respect. 5 (If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?) 6 He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil. 7 He must also have a good reputation with outsiders, so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil’s trap".

There. No need to add words or expound further.

If there are indulgences that needed to be aimed and cultivated for, I believe it is by focusing into the words of wisdom found in scripture (like above) that has been there all along, always ripe for the picking..

110th: Got Conscience?

In this series, I'd like to put forth my own interpretation and application of George Washington's Rule of Civility and Decent Behavior. Starting with the 109th down to 1st.

The goal is two fold. For me to observe people around, single out behaviors how these rules of civility are applied in the daily world. The learning and observing would be beneficial if it starts with my own application instead.

109th - Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience.

On conscience. Webster defines it as an inner feeling or voice viewed as acting as a guide to the rightness or wrongness of one's behavior.

Question is - where does this voice come from? Have we ever wondered? Is it innate? Is it acquired? Is it from the remnants of the voices our parents muttered when we were still infants that finds its way into the recesses of our brains? Or is it spiritual? The silent whisper from God? Whatever form or fashion it is, I'm sure all of us can relate to this.

So for today, my conscience is telling me that it is bad to lie. Lying about anything is bad. Whether it is white lies, black lies, all kinds of lies is wrong. Bad. In my inner circle of people in the office now, I can sense people with hidden agenda and ulterior motives constantly twist facts and tell lies in order to advance their interest. This is bad. Question is - have we gut the guts to confront? Is it worth pursuing?

I have come to the conclusion whatever peoples motives are, I'd simply stick to applying this rule daily, on my life, adding to my own principles. So that once people perceive me as honest and trustworthy in ALL my dealings, small or big, then my influence will then be widespread.

Thus begins an impactful person both in and out of the marketplace.

You?